Disclaimer: Given the subject of this post, I will try to keep things as clean as possible (pun intended)

Back in the US!

It has been a little over two weeks since we landed back in the US for our summer vacation.  I would like to say that the flight back was easy, but Simon did not sleep on the plane.  That is except for the last hour and a half when he woke up as we were descending because of pressure in his ears. Everyone around us must have gotten a chuckle from an almost 3-year-old yelling “Unbuckle!” at the top of his lungs trying to take off his seatbelt as we are landing.

Good times.

Reminiscing about things missed

Invariably, the question that comes to everyone when we explain where we have been this past year is:

What do you miss about the US?

Family is the obvious most important thing that we miss. Another thing that we miss is the color green.  Green is a color not often seen in the desert.

Not seen in Saudi!

Speaking for Lindsey, she misses the ability to get in the car and leave everything. (that usually means me and Simon) Luckily, she won’t have to miss that too much starting next year as she will be able to drive!

I am a simpler man.  The things that I miss are easier to explain:

Despite all of these things that are missed, there is one thing specifically that is not (for me) and that happens in the room that you never see on television. (Why is it that no TV characters other than Al Bundy ever went to the bathroom??  I wonder what the bathroom is like in Star Trek? Perhaps some weird sonic thing like the showers)

Caveman bathroom practices

We North Americans (looking at you too Canada) and Brits use pieces of paper to wipe and clean our backsides. (That sentence took a while to write to make it as clean as possible – pun intended.)

I think that this needs to be repeated… In the 21st Century, we still wipe our asses with pieces of paper.

I’m gonna be a bit graphic in this part, so if you have a weak stomach skip down to the next part.  I am a pretty hairy dude. I am not built for paper.  I swear sometimes it is like peanut butter and shag carpeting.

In this day and age, the only improvements that we have made to our bathroom experiences are to make the paper stronger (2-ply) and softer. I feel like we need a paradigm shift in the way we go to the bathroom!

A bit of history

Back in 2007, I lived in Milan, Italy.  It was quite a tiny one-bedroom near the Navigli area.  In the bathroom, we had this contraption.  I never used it. Never even though about using it.  However, had I known then what I know now, my life would have changed forever.

This is not a foot bath!!

The wonders of the bidet

The bidet that you see above is one that is common to anyone traveling on the European continent.  Unlike what maybe Jennifer Lawrence believes, this is not another toilet or a foot wash.

I do find the mechanics of this bidet a bit funky.  In essence, you have to use the toilet and then do some weird shuffle with your pants around your ankles over to the bidet to use it. (they are usually side-by-side)

In the Middle East, as well as in our home, we have the Shatafa. This is basically a little butt shower. They do sell Shatafas on Amazon, so it may give me a summer project at my mother-in-law’s house.

Despite the perhaps uncomfortable feeling, bidets are actually more hygienic than using toilet paper.

The drawback?

Well if you go into any bathroom in Saudi Arabia (and perhaps elsewhere in the Middle East) you will see that everything is covered in water. Lindsey usually refers to this as ‘butt water’ (she does not share my affinity to the bidet, but she just doesn’t understand the struggle) Also, a lot of times all you will find in a public bathroom is the Shatafa. No toilet paper at all! Not sure how people dry off with that.  You can see why I choose to avoid number 2 unless I know I am going to a Western-type establishment.  Nothing worse than soppy butt!

My dream is to win the lotto, and then I will get this bidet seat from Japan. It has a built-in blow dryer and everything!

So have I convinced anyone to join the modern age and use a bidet?